Hard Times

Hard times ahead? What about-NOW?
So, it's 11 pm on chilly Sunday night, on the eve of Halloween.
We find ourselves in the parking lot, of St. Pius Catholic Church
in Buena Park, CA.
Because of my daughters getting into a routine argument, this time about one trying to hand me a sweater so my head can rest back.
Since I'm in the front seat, she tries reaching it across to me, but in
doing so, it smacks my daughter's eye. She was startled and sure, it must have hurt! But, all in all, it was an accident!
So, the father addressed both of their bickering.
As a result, he blasts Metallica of all sorts and if you're not a fan
of their's, this sure aint gonna make you be!
So, this heated explosion brings my husband to seek for answers from the higher calling.

Higher calling responded with a powerful message:
Help yourself, because others won't help you.
PERIOD.
He throws his tantrum and we are all in tears, petrified
with what he'll do. He parks, then get's out of the car,
and heads for the entrance of the church.
Me, being the 'strong' one, was trembling inside, but, my
children are present and they've witnessed enough crud in these last days
to add one more to the collection.
After what seemed like an eternity, the windows are fogging up and it
starts feeling like a steam bath. My girls start asking the, "where's
daddy?"
I assumed he had made it inside the church and was seeking a private
session with a priest @ midnight! Not able to hold my pee any longer, I call him up. He finally answers the phone and returns to the car.
He sits down in his seat for a few, then speaks. "I got my answer." He says in his usual soft spoken words. He begins explaining what had just occured.
"I go to approach the church, expecting to find a priest to talk to"--
his usual assumption, that people are waiting at his beckon call, betrays
him again!
"Instead,there's an old woman, lying down 'waiting' for help.
She is wrapped in a very light blanket, wearing a pink dress and has a
bag with her." He continues to tell me, "like us, she is not alone, she has family, but yet, they are not willing to help her."
He breaks down crying and shows our children the lady, as we drive past her in our car.
I face straight ahead, and yet not facing anywhere. I was too numb to look over. Numb from the cold. Numb from the situation that we're facing. Numb from the heartlessness of people.
Just internally numb.
"I gave her my only $10 dollar bill, and told her God bless. She didn't respond. How could she when she's on God's grounds-at church and nobody will help her? She thought that I was going to kick her out."

Unfortunately, I feel the pain-physically and emotionally.
I've carried the 'rejection' feeling all my life.
Family? Ya, plenty of them. For them, within them.
I'm only good for 'Emergency/As needed basis.' I'm 'per diem' to them.
My only love in the 'family'-my grandmother, whom too has her favorites, and it's certainly, NOT I!
Since the family, 'all works' and I don't(which I don't, I just stay at home and play 'house' all day), I get the 'can you please come watch mom'
call. It hurts and I just wanna yell, but to whom?
She has kids, who have kids, yet it is I who answers the call unconditionally.
Hard times, huh? Ya, but they are happening NOW, my friends.
Let's be human to eachother.